amedeah's Diaryland Diary

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Distracted?

I'm having a hard time (once again) adjusting to couple life.
Life with T* is wonderful, there's nothing new about that. He is caring, loving, makes sure that I am never in need of anything. I'm very happy, however I just seem to do stupid things all of the time that jeopardize my relationship with T*.
I've been feeling very restrained this past month... I'm used to being a very outgoing, friendly... heck, let's admit it: flirty person... And lately that whole side of my personality has been muffled since I'm going out with T*.
And these past few weeks it's just been peeking out full force, and instead of working through it and just shoving it back down where it belongs I've been enjoying the rush and going along with it. Which is not good, because I'm leaving bruised feelings behind me and am going to end up loosing people that I hold dear.
I don't really know what I'm doing and how to stop it. I realize that it's unhealty, but my "femme fatale" (lol) side has just been hidden for so long that now that it's out I'm enjoying it way too much.
I've also been getting a LOT of calls and e-mails from past boyfriends lately that are just not helping at all. Especially since I still have feelings for some of them. Granted I would not go out with them again, but there is always that little twinge when you think of someone you've been really close to for a while.
I mean it's just non stop right now. Attention from exes, new people that are extremely interested in going out to coffee with me... I just am having a hard time not wanting to spend time with these guys.
The problem is that even knowing that I have a boyfriend they just keep trying to see how far they'll get. And I'm a flirt... so it's just not really a good combination. I need to stop, and quick, otherwise I will be in big trouble. Grrrrr I don't understand how I can't be like the leos the astrology books talk about, ever so devoted to their love. Not that I'm not devoted... I just get distracted once in a while... Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(You can go back one entry for a more normal account of my life)

1:29 p.m. - 2006-05-31

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