amedeah's Diaryland Diary

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AhAhAh I'm laughing too, you know.

God (or the higher powers that guide this earth, however you'd like to call them), loves making fun of me.
This shows, in little occurrences in my life, when I call upon Him.
Last night I was driving home. This holiday season has been really hard on me because I have just moved into a new place. All my money is going to rent and buying the necessities and to my monthly bills. I have almost nothing left for Christmas presents for anyone.
However, we pick every year one person in our family to make a gift to, kind of like a secret santa, except not so secret. This makes things a lot cheaper because our family is pretty big. Only the children aren't included in that exchange, the lucky bastards get presents from everyone. (I passed the "child limit" a few years back into adulthood and am still a bit bitter about the whole thing.)
So during Thanksgiving weekend we passed the names around, and I picked my mom. This of course, made me really happy because it meant I didn't have to splurge on the usual extra gift for her (she is my mom after all). However, I was also aware that she really needed new glasses, hers are in really bad shape. So that sticks me with about $250 for her present.
I also (stupidly) promised my little cousins a few months back new skateboards for Christmas. These things run a whooping $130 (about) for a good board that they won't break within ten minutes of getting on it. That would be 2 skateboards. And then one more present for my 4 y/o cousin.
I have just about $250 right now. I need some kind of miracle, or ebay selling frenzy to be able to come up with the rest.
This dilemma pushed me to look up while driving home (very briefly since I didn't want my car to end up in a ditch- that wouldn't help after all), and ask God/Goddesses/Whomever to help me out and make sure that everyone would have a good christmas.
I stopped at the ATM to deposit my pay check and what do I find but the last persons ATM card popping out of there like I'm the 100th shopper and won a year's groceries!
Now here is where God gets his laugh. Have you ever found a ATM card with a VISA sign on it ? Tell me you didn't think about the possibilities ! How many stores do you go in that never ask your ID when you purchase something with a credit card ? I happen to know quite a few. Or thought about how you could buy plenty of things from the internet, get it sent to a PO Box and never get caught ? Ok, ok maybe I've thought about this a bit too much, but you know why ? This is the second time this has happened to me, each time after I've prayed for enough money to get through some tough times. Laugh, God, laugh !
Of course I just slipped the stupid card under the door of the bank since it was night time and shrugged it off. But the conflict of need versus values is definitely there.
It might be my fault. After all I don't pray nearly enough, and my meditation has gone to pieces for months now because of work and school and preferring to go to sleep rather than stay up meditating for an extra half hour. You'd think God would have a little compassion, but no.
Of course when I do pray, I have to admit it is often to ask for protection or help. So I can understand the wanting to put me in my place.
I'm back to square one, and this time I know better than to turn upwards to ask for help. Instead I've applied for a few "season" jobs, I've learned my lesson !

9:03 p.m. - 2005-12-12

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