amedeah's Diaryland Diary
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RIP Jonathan
I just learned last Friday that one of my friends killed himself.
Jonathan Morin from Trois Rivieres, Canada was one of my best friends ever since we first talked.
I was 14 y/o, and he must have been just about 17 when we met. We were both sitting by ourselves at the City College cafeteria, and me being the happy-go-lucky girl I was at the time, ended up going over to chat with him. The contrast between us could not have been greater: while I was wearing my prim-and-proper clothes and was still a church goer, he was sporting a mohawk, had piercings all over his face, stomped around in army boots, and most definitly was not going back to church. We both came from the same church though, and that was a way for us to relate to each other in some ways.
We ended up talking for hours that first day, and somehow ever since then our paths crossed one another over and over again. Slowly we both gained the other's trust, and we became some of the closest friends ever.
Jonathan never had an easy life, he made 2 trips to jail as a teenager, mostly because his parents were never there for him all throughout his life. (One of the many reasons I left the church I was in, is that instead of helping people out, they just tossed them out on the curb when they weren't "good" enough).
Then, his girlfriends seemed to always end up destroying a bigger part of his heart... and through all that, he kept on fighting as hard as he could to be a better man, a kind person, and to try and work through his issues.
I have always told him how proud of him I am.
After getting out of the jail the second time, he invested himself completely into become a wood carver/worker. He made absolutely beautiful furniture. He was just about to be done with school this year.
I'm not sure what happened, I haven't been able to talk with anybody from over there that knew him well yet. He kept to himself a lot, and I was one of the few friends he opened up to. Lately his e-mails had gotten shorter and shorter, and while I should have known something wasn't right I believed that he was overworked, as I was, and that we would catch up when I visited him up in Canada.
I won't lie and say I don't blame myself for this, I do... and quite a bit at that. I was well aware of the fact that I was one of the last friends he had that was supportive of him, and that wasn't either judgemental, fake, or afraid of him.
I think that's one of the things he cherished the most about me, I was never afraid of him. Not on that first day, nor in any moment in our friendship. No matter how crazy he got, he knew he could turn to me and I would return his stare with a smile and a "What the fuck do you think you're doing?".
The fact that these past months of my life have been crazy do not in any way excuse my lack of correspondance with him. I should have let him know how wonderful a person he was/is, and how much all his progress meant to me. There's no turning back now, and I can only hope that wherever he is, he knows how much I love him and much he will be missed. There is honestly no word to describe the feeling I got when I learned he passed away. A part of me is gone, as simple as that. 
I love you Jonathan. Be well.
I will see you in another life, and hopefully this time your load will be lighter.
Fly off Red Crow and dream of happiness~
Your Best Friend Forever and Always: Marie~xxx
10:39 p.m. - 2007-02-06
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